Dear Goa,

Your introduction lacks a thesis statement. I had to read the entireessay in order to find out the theme of the paper. A good papershould have a strong introduction and a good thesis statement tosupport it. A thesis statement is usually two lines at the end of thefirst paragraph. For instance, the thesis statement for this paperwould be something like, ‘this paper seeks to analyze the functionsof the Starbucks coffeehouse within the university library’. Athesis statement is important because it gives the reader a clearpicture of what you will be discussing and it ensures that you do notwander from the theme of the paper.

The contents of the fourth paragraph do not correspond with the topicsentence. You did well when you mentioned that Starbucks allows itscustomers to observe the entire coffee- making process. You shouldhave gone ahead to describe how that gesture made you feel. Is itimportant or unnecessary? However, towards the end you started totalk about the layout of the coffee tables. In addition, the secondand third paragraphs are too long. The length of a paragraph in astandard academic paper should be between 100 and 150 words. Thefourth paragraph had 300 words.

You only mentioned the physical functions of the institution. I didnot see where you outlined the sentimental effect of theestablishment. You should have addressed invisible functions of theshop such as the number of friendships that it holds together. Thenumber of people who have developed an emotional attachment with thecoffee should not be underestimated.

In general, you developed a strong argument for your paper.

Yours Sincerely,

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